1) Halitosis:
You Will Need:
• My girlfriend's dog
• Rope
• Noseplugs (optional)
Step 1: Get my girlfriend's shih tzu, Prince.
Step 2: Tie him to yourself, making sure to keep his stinky face aimed outward.
Note: Make sure to breathe through your mouth, this is an excellent costume if you have a stuffed nose due to a head cold or allergies. As a bonus, you can fart as much as you want and nobody will ever know.
Halitosis
2) Corn Field
You Will Need:
• A bunch of corn
Step 1: Get that corn all over you.
Note: Like, seriously, all over.
Corn Field
3) Sexy ghost
You Will Need:
• Your sexiest outfit
Step 1: Get together your most flattering, revealing and garish clothing.
Step 2: To complete the ghost effect, become invisible.
Note: Make sure that when you become invisible, your clothes become invisible as well. Otherwise you will just be another sexy invisible man.
Sexy Ghost
4) Ventriloquist
You Will Need:
• Am exceptionally short girlfriend or boyfriend.
Step 1: Grow into an adult and develop normally.
Step 2: Start dating someone who is like, 5 feet tall and 90 lbs.
Step 3: Take them with you.
Note: Keep them sitting on your lap, or to your side and slightly behind you to emphasize the height difference.
Ventriloquist
5) Sullen teenager
You Will Need:
• Old clothes
• Apathy
Step 1: Get a really cool idea for a costume, something original but recognizable, something that would impress a cosplayer. Get really excited about it.
Step 2: Get all your materials together 2 weeks before Halloween.
Step 3: Do nothing for two weeks, try to complete the costume the night before Halloween, realize you can't sew.
Step 4: Dress the same way you did in high school for ten years, and… hang on, this really should have been Step 1. Dammit, you see? This is why you can't get anything done on time, you never plan ahead. For fuck's sake, no wonder you haven't finished this costume.
Step 5: You know what? Fuck it. You don't need a costume anyway, that shit's for kids. Just wear an old t shirt and jeans and try not to look awkward when you eat that brain-shaped jello surrounded by people who can actually accomplish something on time.
Sullen Teenager
